officergucci

Dear citizens,

Reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated. I trust you have all have been preserving the crusade for sweet safety in your own way during my long absence. Yet, fear not. A knew day is coming, bringing an old kind of justice. Not God's, nor man's, nor the Devil's.

That's right, my friends. I speak of Safety Justice.

But for now, I am weary of the good fight. So, tell me. What's up with you guys?

Your friendly neighborhood lulz enforcer,
officergucci

Attention citizens of the commonwealth of Pennsylvania,

Smoking in public shall be banned in your great state on September 11th, 2008. That's right. No smoke allowed, starting 9/11.

Thank you and goodnight,
officergucci

Dear citizens,

I have recently become aware of a film after my own heart. Taken is a glorious example of the beauty that is the pursuit of taking people to safety. In it, Liam Neeson's character not only takes his daughter, but he does it in a thoroughly badass manner the entire time. Therefore, this post and the second ever Official Recommendation of Merit in the Pursuit of Taking Others to Safety (tm) award go to you, Liam Neeson's character.

The trailer doesn't even do the movie justice, but if pronounces Mr. Neesons' character's devotion to taking his daughter to safety very well:

So, please watch and enjoy, should you get the chance.

Your friendly neighborhood lulz enforcer,
officergucci

Reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated. Stay safe, citizens.

Happy Stereotyped Assumptions of the Irish Day, citizens.

Please be aware that St. Patricks's Day was Saturday, as per the Pope's decree (Citation: http://www.catholicnews.com/data/stories/cns/0801013.htm). The majority of you celebrating it today, are most likely not Catholic. Hence you are probably using this day for nothing more than an excuse to get shitfaced. Please remember, however to designate a sober driver to take you to safety when you are done exploiting ethnic stereotypes as excuse to drink green beer.

Your friendly neighborhood lulz enforcer drunkard,
officergucci

Citizens,

wtf_nature reports today on a dolphin after my own heart. So, this post and Official Recommendation of Merit in the Pursuit of Taking Others to Safety goes out to you, Moko. Keep pursuing the cause, and I hope there are many tasty fish waiting for you.



Your friendly neighborhood lulz enforcer,
officergucci

Citizens,

For those of us who could use a laugh during this hectic holiday season, I have a recommendation. Mr. Stephen Lynch is a comedic singer and quite funny, in my opinion. This video literally had me laughing out loud when I first saw it--all of twenty minutes ago--so do please watch. But be advised the content of this video is meant for mature audiences.



Your friendly neighborhood lulz enforcer,
officergucci

Citizens,

Today, a friend of mind directed my attention to this article. It got a chuckle out of me, so I'm passing it on to you. Do enjoy, and I hope you're all keeping warm and safe.



Your friendly neighborhood lulz enforcer,
officergucci


x-posted to takentosafety

Citizens,
Please visit this link.

also: FUCK YOUUUU!


Your friendly neighborhood lulz enforcer,
officergucci

Citizens,

I am well aware that it is difficult to decide on gifts for loved ones during this Christmas/Chanukah/Kwanzaa/etc. holiday season. Therefore, in the interest of continuing my reputation of taking you to safety (whether it be from cult related arson, or even just one of the contributing factors of seasonal stress), I suggest to you the self-titled Sick Animation CD. This compact disk is packed with the smooth stylings of Marc M. a musical and cartoon genius. Visit his site here. More than that, it's jam-packed with deep, insightful contemplations of subjects like spirituality, the universe, and the meaning of life, packaged in a sound that is a pleasure to the senses.

In short: Marc M. is a genius. Truly, he knows what it means to aspire to take the people of this world to safety. Safety from existential crises, as well as the lack of stocking-stuffers.

Here is a sample of the quality you can expect from this wonderful album:

Your friendly neighborhood lulz enforcer,
officergucci

Dear citizens,

Yes,  it is a Wednesday night at 6 o' clock. Yes, it is dark out. And snowing. Yes, there is traffic. However, in this state it is illegal to fail to yield to pedestrians crossing in the crosswalk. No amount of beeping or speeding up will change that.

Your friendly neighborhood lulz enforcer,
officergucci

Dear innocence_jihad ,

Okay, you figured me out, and you banned me. I'm not butt hurt at that. Mostly, I just laughed. A lot. Hard. But really, that was like...months ago. That was when I first got this journal. So, my only question is: if you, whichever mod did it, took the time to ban me from the community, why didn't you also unfriend me? I can still read all the friends-locked posts. No, I cannot comment, true, but I could (and certainly MUST be) secretly snitching you out to other communities.

Really, I'm just waiting for some kind of wanksplosion so I can get more lulz.

Your friendly neighborhood lulz enforcer,
officergucci

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Officer Gucci --

[adjective]: Pretentiously academian

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

	Officer Gucci cured cancer.
	... afterward, Officer Gucci tried to cover up a bizarre love triangle involving them and two monkeys.
	'How will you be remembered in history books?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Your friendly neighborhood lulz enforcer,
officergucci